C'mon, they both begin with "C"

So, I read that castor oil is good for dry skin, among many other things like muscle aches, blood circulation, ect. Since I have been in and out of the chlorinated pool all summer, I thought castor oil sounded like just the ticket. As many of you know from previous posts, I am kind of susceptible to quick fix skin products. Off to The Vitamin Shoppe! I went right to the shelf with caster oil, needing no assistance from the sales clerk, which was ultimately quite unfortunate. I found it most peculiar that castor oil came in orange and lemon flavors along with your basic "pure" castor oil. I didn't know it was meant to be consumed, but I did recall either my mom or Warren saying they used to be forced to take a tablespoon of castor oil with sugar to cure whatever ailed them. I THINK that's what they said so I was sure that someone must have come up with a way to consume the stuff that made it pleasing to the palate. I knew I would be rubbing it on my skin and thought the artificial flavorings might be toxic, so I went with the pure variety. Last night, after showering, I slathered up my body with this new skin tonic, paying close attention to my arms and hands. After I put on p.j.s, I went upstairs, made my nightly bowl of popcorn and settled in to watch CNN. Every time I stuffed a handful of popcorn into my mouth, my nose would crinkle, twitch, and sniff the air, wondering about the smell wafting about. I thought maybe I had popped my corn in a bad batch of canola oil. Even after I had wolfed the bowl down, the smell lingered. I checked to see if there was cat breathing down my neck, who might have just eaten a dish of that nasty tuna/salmon casserole pate. No, that wasn't it. And, everywhere I moved, the smell trailed. Hmmm, I thought, maybe caster oil has an odor. But, an odor that is reminiscent of a gold fish bowl that has needed changing for a couple of days? This is weird. Well, it was time for bed anyway so I traipsed downstairs to take Cayenne out for her nightly poop and pee. Back inside, I brushed my teeth and looked again at the bottle of castor oil on the bathroom counter top. I got into bed and found myself a little distracted by the fumes, when I suddenly had a vision of the bottle on the counter. It didn't say Castor Oil, it said COD LIVER OIL!!!!!!! Omigod, I had doused myself with the stuff and was walking around in a funky cloud of stink. Believe me, cod liver oil doesn't smell like grilled halibut. That I could live with. You would think I immediately showered after that, but, no, I was tired and I had gotten used to the scent. At first, I thought, Oh, no, I have so many scratches on my skin (the travails of a ranch hand), and isn't it true tha fish often carry flesh eating bacteria? Well, maybe not, but I'm sure I read that somewhere, too. Still too lazy to get up, I decided to take my chances, but I wondered if I should leave a note for somebody in case I had a sudden onset of the deadly bacterial infection and died. Thankfully, Warren was staying over in Los Angeles so I didn't have to see his face grimace in disgust while he asked, "Did you change the litter box?" Even though the two odors are worlds apart. Then, I began to think maybe something that smells this bad might have some real healing benefits. You know, the product is unadorned, very pure, that's what the label said, and many fish have absolutely beautiful scales. So, that's what I went with. Ahhhhh, I drifted off to a peaceful slumber with just a hint of a smile on my face.

P.S. I still haven't showered and my skin looks luminous!